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Self-Improvement

One of the driving forces of my life is the need to constantly improve myself. I am NEVER satisfied with anything I do. I'm always feeling inadequate and pressured to perform better. It's 100 % or nothing. 
 
A friend told me that feelings of inadequacy and pressure are typically rooted in childhood experiences. I'm from a family of sports and was basically raised to be a competitor. My brain has a tendency to mix up You can always do better and you can always learn and grow with It's not enough and it will probably never be enough. 
 
"Ok. You might have achieved a million other goals, but do you have perfect skin? Can you recite Shakespeare? Can you run 20 kms instead of only 10 kms? Do I look weird from that angle? Can you read 5 books a month like you used to do when you were a teenager?" - My brain. (Just like that Shania Twain's 90's hit. But minus the guy who thinks he's Brad Pitt or owns an impressing car or whatever. Lol. And the cat suit. The suit is pretty awesome though) 
 
I'm sure that I'm not the only one when I say that alot of people are never adequate, never good enough, never self-confident, never perfect, never comfortable with ourselves, never satisfied, never really content. Or as content as we want to feel. As content as we think we need feel to accept ourselves.
 
It doesn't matter if have achieved a thousand other goals. I'm always left feeling unfulfilled. I'm not saying that I'm always grasping for outside validation. I've never really been one to care about external attention or what others think about me. Well, to be honest I really don't give a shit. It's always been about myself and my own thoughts about myself. 
 
I used to be obsessed with Meg Cabot's "Princess Diaries" book series in my tween toteenager years. (Those books are brilliant by the way. I was re-reading them two years ago and I couldn't stop howling. It has too many genius pop-cultural references and if you know me, you also know that I live for pop-cultural references) - and the lead character, Mia was always talking about reaching self actualization = Living to your true potential. 
 
I've come to accept that this is me and probably always will be the way I think. 
 
 



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Clodpate: Still a work in progress

I'm back.
I finally got my domain name back after a year-long battle with a clodpate (I LOVE love love that word so much. And what exactly is a clodpate?..... It's a loooooooong story that I promise that I'll make a post about soon!)
 
To quote my last "I'm back" post: "Writing has always been such an important part of my life and putting feelings and thoughts into words produces therapeutic effects for me. I feel much calmer"
 
So what have I been up to instead of blogging? 
Alot have happened since last year. ALOT of which I can't write here but I'll mention a few:
 
- I'm finishing my University Degree.
- I have been in and out of love and confusing "relationships" with a lot of mixed feelings inbetween (Long story). But that's finally over now (Well some recent drama happened on Valentines Day in LDN but that's completely over, I think...and hope) and I'm finally pretty content with my life. The Incredible Power of Contentment. My life is not perfect but I made room for what I thought and still believe really matters. 
- I've had my usual trips to London. 
- Still writing for BWW. 
- My best friend and I went to New York last summer for 2 weeks. (My second time there, and definitely not my last.)
- I'm working out 6 days a week and started a pretty strict diet in August last year that I'm still following (I can count on one hand how many times I've cheated. lol. I need that summer bod)
- Freaked out over TV-Shows. (JOHN SNOW! GLENN! ANNA-LISE. NEEEEEGAN")
- Also started some new shows. I'm currently following 25 shows. Yes 25!)
- I've been dealing with the loss of my aunt.
- I finally got to see U2 live (One of my all time favorite rock bands since age 6)
- I HAVE BEYONCÉ GOLDEN CIRCLE TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
 
- Still a work in progress. As the title also says. 
 
 
 
 



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EVERYDAY: CHRISTMAS EVE LOOK

 
Amsterdam Matte Lip Creme from NYX Cosmetics (THANK YOU MARIANNA HEWITT!)